


Lean On Me

by MerryWriting



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-14 13:09:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15389445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerryWriting/pseuds/MerryWriting
Summary: Lessa Shepard never followed in her mother's military footsteps; she chose a life of books and study. But destiny has a funny way of forcing your hand; Eden Prime was never going to offer her the quiet life she claimed to want.In fact, it was never going to end any other way than at the top of the Citadel with trillions of lives in her hands.A mass effect novelisation that spans all three games and will get very dark.





	1. And Death Followed With Him

_In the summer of 2183 Eden Prime was more beautiful than ever; we built and dug and grew far away from Earth and the Citadel. We made of ourselves what the pioneers in ancient earth wanted to be; peaceful settlers in a strange new world. We succeeded where they had failed for so long._

_Then, in the summer of 2183 the war reared its head; in the palm of that grasping hand, as it descended from the heavens, I saw the first traces of the War. But how could we have known what it would become? How could I have known where it would lead?_

**_*_ **

 

        Dr Lessa Shepard was no coward, but she ran from the echoing, feral roars that the wind carried from the dig site to the clinic without hesitation.

 

 _“Run,”_ Dr Ward had said, _“they’re heading for the beacon.”_

 

And so she ran, heart pounding, blood pumping, and mapped the exact moment when they realised that the beacon was broken and therefore useless to them. Pinpointed the moment that they began to look for her. The electronic, groaning clicks that the creatures emitted didn’t help her to track their progress; the noises seemed to bounce on every rock and shed to create a cacophony that encircled the whole colony.

Eden Prime was in flames.

Shots rang in the distance as the soldiers were engaged their enemy, but Lessa could only think of the Spaceport. There was a small ship there, nothing fancy, but enough to get out of orbit. The images seared into her mind by the beacon crowded her as she leapt the railings and fell five feet, rolling badly on the metal stairs.

 

Lessa hissed through her teeth as the hum of vibrating metal died down,

“Shit,” she gasped and held her ankle gently. It throbbed persistently as she dragged herself through the warren of transportation crates and concrete breezeblocks. The grinding metallic clicks became louder, but there was no going faster. Lessa cursed under her breath and hauled the pistol Serviceman Bhatia had given her clumsily from its place in her belt.

“Stay back!” She gasped, pointing it into the shining face of what could only be a Geth, “Shit, stay back! I mean it!”

It gurgled and clicked but didn’t move. Less almost smiled, but her joy was cut short by a hulking Turian who moved like a shadow.

 

The inhuman roars that had followed her from the dig site rustled in her memory. Inhuman, yes, but not non-organic. _Shit._

“Human,” he said, voice low and rough as gravel, “you have something of mine.”

He reeked of blood and metal. The smell of o-zone clung to him as he took two light steps forward. Soundless, agile. The perfect predator.

“No,” Lessa said and shook her head, “I have nothing.” She spread her hands, “Just the clothes on my back and this gun.” He laughed and swaggered forward with less caution, stopping when she pointed it, “I will shoot your fucking face off, stay away!” She screamed, voice a little too panicked for her liking. His mandibles flared,

“You would try, too, wouldn’t you?” He laughed, “Humans never cease to amaze-” His head turned with stunning speed as a ship flew low overhead. He growled and shook his head,

“Bring her.” He said to the Geth at his side and leapt over a barrier with breath-taking agility, powerful legs throwing him further than any human could have jumped. The Geth advanced with mechanical, detached purpose, but that gave little comfort. Lessa fired every bullet in the pistol at the closest Geth; a hulking, white machine with metal cords that resembled muscles. Five shots hit, but it showed no sign of slowing. _Shit._

In fact, it barely seemed to have suffered damage at all.

“Please,” Lessa held up her hands as if to ward a blow, “please don’t.”

The electric charge that pulsed through her was like fire, but she found she couldn’t even scream.

 

 

               The wet, fertile dirt of Eden Prime tugged at her boots as the Geth, heedless of the bruises and tears their hands caused, dragged her along. Lessa groaned as they hefted and threw her forward without ceremony. When she raised her head, he was there again. The Turian flexed his mandibles and she felt, somehow, that he was trying to smile. He stooped to her and extended one, vicious claw to touch her cheek,

“As I was saying. You humans never fail to amaze, even as you repel. So soft,” he said, running its point along her skin softly. A fine ache followed it, “and so deceptive.” A stately Asari hovered behind him, “You know,” he said over his shoulder, “that the human body devours itself if left without food? That it can digest almost anything, and that they can survive in almost any climate?”

“Certainly.” The Asari merely nodded,

“Remarkable,” he snorted, “that a scavenger species could become the dominant power on their planet through cunning and engineering alone.”

Lessa set her jaw,

“Truly… remarkable.” He pressed the sharp point of his talon to the pulsing flesh of her neck, just over her jugular. “And yet, you have so little natural armour. Tell me, human, do you think I won’t tear you to shreds?”

“I have a name.” Lessa snapped,

“Yes, I know,” he said, “Dr Imellessia Diana Shepard, BA, MA, PhD, specialising in anthropology, sociology, archaeology, and dead languages.” He stood, forcing her to lean back onto her knees to stare up at him, “here on Eden prime to aid with excavation. A very qualified, very young human on a backwater planet without even a mate for protection. Foolish of you to come alone.”

“I wasn’t alone until you turned up.” She said,

“But you were,” the Turian knelt once more, “who here could you talk to about the things you saw in the night? About the whispers in the earth?”

 

She froze, a creeping dread slithering up her spine, and looked at the ground,

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do-” he turned suddenly and motioned to the Geth. A huge, metal hand clamped on her mouth as they dragged her backwards. A second Turian, leaner but taller, strode into view. Lessa’s heart leapt,

“Saren,” he said, “what are you doing here?”

“Nihlus,” the first Turian, Saren, said silkily, “the council thought you could use help on this one.”

 _The council?_ Lessa kicked out, struggling to breath, and pushed a bucket from its precarious perch. Nihlus turned swiftly to the sound, and Saren raised his gun. Lessa screamed, trashing with all her might, and, somehow, it was enough; he turned as Saren pulled the trigger, yelling as the bullet clipped his shoulder. The Geth unfolded from their hiding places, but he was fast. Nihlus threw a smoke grenade as she tore away from her minder. Shots rang out in the fog; she saw the blue hum of biotics and wondered how anyone could hope to fight all of them on their own.

“I thought I smelled a human,” the voice had the same grit as Saren’s, the same rough edge, but it was softer. It hissed where his growled. Lessa bit down on her scream, “come with me.” A huge, three-fingered hand closed on her wrist, “Quietly.”

 

 

               Lessa kept her breaths as slow and even as she could while the weaved their way through the containers and into a series of corridors. Nihlus let her wrist go when they the shooting behind them became faint,

“Is that really how you knew I was there?” She asked, and he turned to look at her with cool, slate grey eyes, “By my smell?”

“Yes.” He said and stepped into the open briefly to grab a handful of dirt. Lessa didn’t protest when he rubbed it into her face and arms, _as the old joke goes; what does a six foot three, two-hundred-pound Turian do? Whatever he wants._ He was bigger than many Turians. Taller than Saren, but not half so bulky.  He sniffed the air around her, “Better.” He grunted and turned away.

“You’re Nihlus?” She asked,

“Yes,” he sighed, “and you’re Dr Shepard. Forgive me, but this isn’t the time to speak at length.” Nihlus turned to look at her again, with something close to kindness in his eyes, “I know you’re afraid, Dr, but I have to focus on getting us clear of this…”

“Shit storm?” She said, and he chuckled,

“Yes.”

“One question… please?” Lessa asked, and he nodded, “Was that man your friend? Saren?” Nihlus blinked,

“A colleague, or so I thought.” He said and then peered around the corner, speaking into his Omni-tool, “Alenko,” he said, “change of plans. There’s a small spaceport ahead, I’ll meet you there.”

“You didn’t tell them about Saren.” She said,

“Commander Alenko is a trainee,” he said, “I don’t want him to attempt to take on Saren alone. That would… end badly.”

Lessa nodded and pushed her hair behind her ear as they scuttled towards the spaceport. As her ankle began to throb and pulse she fell further behind, panting and sweating. Nihlus stopped,

“You’re injured?”

“I think I twisted my ankle when I was running,” she said,

“We need to move faster,” Nihlus said, “they will realise which way we’ve come eventually.”

“I can’t,” she said, “I can’t go any faster.”

Nihlus sighed and looked around before crouching,

“On my back, Dr,” he said,

“I- ”

“Don’t argue, I can move faster even with you on my back.”

Lessa bit her lip and swallowed the thick, stinging pride that clogged her throat before she clambered onto his back,

“Thank you.” She said and gripped his shoulders firmly, but he only grunted an affirmative before he took off at a steady run.

 

 

               The spaceport was empty when the shuttle ground to a creaking halt; Nihlus slowly stepped from the platform, rifle at the ready, and nodded when he was ready for her to follow. The dull throbbing in her ankle and arms was the only testament to her brush with death, _or worse._ She followed Nihlus’ broad back without question, watching him for any sign of alarm or fear. If he felt any, he showed none.

“Alenko and his men will be here soon,” Nihlus said as he motioned for her to sit on a crate, covered on three sides by cargo containers, “you will board their ship and go to the Citadel,” he said, “you need to report everything you have seen directly to Councillor Sparatus, do you understand?”

“I understand,” Lessa said and felt a ridiculous pang of fear, “won’t you be with me?” He stopped,

“No, I have to find out what Saren is doing… don’t worry,” he took something from his armour and pressed it into her hand, “that’s my family crest. Show it to Sparatus, he will believe you.”

“Ok.” Lessa said, voice smaller than she wanted it to be, “I would feel safer if you came with us.” She said, and he blinked, “Saren will come after me. The beacon broke because of me,” she curled her toes, “I think he wants to know what I saw.”

“I’ll make sure he’s too busy to follow you, Dr, that I can assure you,” Nihlus said simply, and Lessa found herself smiling. A small, watery smile, but a smile nonetheless,

“Thank you, Nihlus.” She said, “Truly… I don’t know what I would have… what would have happened… if you hadn’t been here.”

“Think nothing of it.” He waved her away and spoke into his Omni-tool, “Alenko? Status update.”

“On our way,” a husky, undeniably human voice crackled over the comm, “a little Geth interference, a few survivors. Nothing we can’t handle.”

“No more delays,” Nihlus snapped, “get here now. It’s crucial.”

“Copy that.”

If Alenko was perturbed by Nihlus’ tone his voice betrayed nothing. A true professional, then. The anxiety in her chest eased a little,

“What is it Commander Alenko is training for?” Lessa asked. Nihlus turned slowly and blinked as if weighing his answer,

“The Commander is a Spectre in training.” He said, and she began to connect the dots,

“Oh.” Lessa said and the nerves turned to fear; if Alenko was in training, then Nihlus was a Spectre. Which meant Saren was a Spectre; a senior one, judging by how readily Nihlus had accepted the ruse that the Council had sent him to aid him. He read the panic on her face, or perhaps in her scent and stepped forward,

“Don’t worry, Dr, it’s almost over,” Nihlus said,

“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

 

Lessa screamed as the shot tore through Nihlus, or at least she tried to; this time the fear almost masked the pain that coursed through her body.

 

 

*****

 

 

               The steady dripping slowly roused Lessa from oblivion; for a moment she could smell coffee and hear the sounds of the colony. Then a groan tore her dream away. Nihlus was alive, barely. His bulky body had been dropped onto a cot of sorts. Blood dripped from the tips of his talons; the wound in his shoulder had been left untreated.

“Nihlus?” Lessa said. He didn’t move. Had the groan come from him or her? She rolled off of her own cot, gasping as a wave of pain seared through every muscle in her body.

The room was small, spartan, and utterly clean of anything that could have been used as a weapon, a defence, or even a source of comfort. She crossed the space between them and touched his shoulder before reeling back with a gasp; his face, once pleasingly symmetrical, was a torn mass of welts and cuts. It looked as if someone had tried to pry the left mandible from his jaw with brute force.

“Oh God,” Lessa retched and shook her head, “Nihlus.” She shook him gently, head hammering, “Nihlus please wake up.”

 

One yellow eye opened first and he groaned. Lessa covered her mouth,

“Oh thank God,” she said, “I thought you were dead.” He made a grating rumble of a sound,

“-more than this to kill me.” The rest of the sentence was lost, but as the meaning filtered through she realised he was laughing. Lessa laughed weakly, tears bubbling up,

“You’re insane,” she said, and he nodded jerkily, “where are we?” His face hardened and Nihlus motioned for her to help him sit,

“Saren’s ship.” He said after leaning back against the wall, “We were brought here three days ago. You’ve been unconscious for the largest part of it,” he said, “when they shocked you, you fell and cracked your head on the floor. I thought you were dead, to be honest.” Lessa chewed her lip,

“They want to know what I saw when I touched the beacon,” she said. Nihlus nodded,

“I am sorry,” he said, “I failed you, Dr.”

 

               Lessa shook her head and stood and wiped her face with the palms of her hands,

“So I’ll tell him, and then he can let us go-”

“No!” Nihlus stood, “No, don’t tell him anything.” He limped to her side and gripped her shoulders, “Listen to me, Dr, we need to get you out of here. I have a plan – I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” He shook like a leaf in the wind, but his voice was strong, “Do you trust me?”

“Do I have a choice?” Lessa asked, and swallowed her guilt when he flinched,

“No, no you don’t.”

“What should I do?” She asked. Nihlus returned to his cot and lay down,

“Call the guards, pretend you think I’m dead. I know something Saren doesn’t, too – he won’t be happy if they let either of us die. Stay close to me.” He said and closed his eyes. Lessa knelt by his side and took a deep breath. He didn’t move, didn’t even twitch. No questions would be answered, that much was clear.

 

 

               Lessa let the tears well up, curled her toes, and allowed the panic to wash over her before leet out a blood-curdling shout,

“Help – someone, help us, please!”

Foots steps hammered down a nearby hallway and a window in the cell door flew open; Lessa turned his head,

“Please he’s not moving – he’s dead, get help!”

“Shit.” The Turian guard snarled. The door hissed open as two Turians strode into the room; they were broad and powerful, but shorter than Nihlus and Saren. Even she could see the fear on their face,

“Move aside!” One of them barked,

“Please-”

“Move!”

“You killed him!” She screamed as he stepped forward,

“No I-”

“Don’t argue with the prisoner, just move her.” The other snapped and stepped forward. His companion reached down to grab Lessa as she kicked back along the floor, leading him further from Nihlus, “He’s not de-” The guard reaching for her froze as his colleague spoke, but the words were cut short by a sudden grunt. Nihlus dragged him to the ground and wrestled with him, tearing the gun from his hands before firing two shots into his chest.

 

The second guard lunged for Lessa, and in a blind panic she kicked out with both feet. The crunch that sounded as they connected with his knee wasn’t drowned even by his howl of pain. Nihlus fired a round into the back of his skull and lunged forward with a hoarse gasp, pulling her to her feet,

“I said stay close!”

“I had to do _something.”_ She hissed in return as he dragged her from the cell,

“Listen to me,” he turned her to face him, “we have to split up.”

“What?” Lessa baulked, head whipping from side to side, “But what if we can’t find each other to leave?”

“We’re not leaving yet,” he said and raised a hand, “I know, I know it doesn’t make sense. Please trust me, Dr, I know what I’m doing.”

“Ok…” Lessa's knees shook uncontrollably,

“I need you to go that way,” he pointed, “make as much noise as you can, call for me as if we got separated.”

“Ok.” Her voice was so small that it was almost swallowed by the sound of the air reconditioner.

“I will get you out of here.” He said, “This is step one. Ok?”

“What if they…”

“They won’t hurt you, Dr, just let them catch you. You’re too precious by far to kill for a doomed escape attempt.” He gave her that Turian impression of a smile, hissing as blue blood leaked from an open wound,

“What about you?”

“I’ll let them bring me back when I…” he hesitated, “it’s better if you don’t know. That way they can’t get it out of you. Trust me, if you can.” Lessa nodded and set her jaw,

“Good luck.” She said, and he nodded,

“You too, Dr, you too.” Nihlus turned on his heel and leapt upwards before scrambling into the maintenance ducts.

 

 

               Lessa took a steadying breath before she sprinted in the direction he had motioned without trying to mask her footsteps. Even if she had tried, her scent would have given her away. Nihlus had taught her that much already. The first shouts to echo through the halls were alarmingly far behind,

“Nihlus?” Lessa called tentatively, as if trying to stay quiet. “Nihlus?” She called again, the panic in her voice real as she considered the fact that she might fail him. She turned to run and kicked a pipe, sending clanging reverberations through the halls. _Good enough._ The shouts echoed again but were followed by footfalls that came closer by the second. A series of hisses and clicks sounded as nearby Geth took notice. She didn’t have to force the small scream that tore from her lips as she flew through the metal labyrinth.

Lessa barrelled through an open doorway and froze as three hulking Krogan stood to face her. Nihlus had pointed her in the direction of the barracks. _Bastard._ The Krogan spread out in a half circle, silent and watchful. As the first stepped forward a hand landed on her shoulder, making her scream,

“Alright, boys,” a smooth voice, distinctly Turian, washed over her, “an escapee. That’s all. Come on, Dr, unless you want to stay with these fine men?” Lessa shook her head, let the hand lead her away. And prayed she had bought Nihlus the time he needed.

 

 

*****

 

 

               She paced the empty cell for a millennia before they threw Nihlus in without ceremony. He coughed and shuddered on the floor, gasping as if he couldn’t catch his breath. Lessa dropped to her knees beside him,

“Are you ok?” She asked, wincing at the stupidity even as the words left her,

“I’ve been better,” he said and let her steady him as he stood,

“You’re lucky you’re alive at all,” the Krogan guard said in a suspiciously high voice. She turned her head to stare at Nihlus, “if Saren didn’t want-”

“Era,” the Turian guard said, “enough. No more games,” he said to Lessa, “the next time you try to escape, we hurt him. Badly.” She nodded, “And you,” he faltered as he met Nihlus’s gaze, “if you cause us trouble, Itake her.”

“Fuck you.”

“You want me to drag her out here?” The guard raised his chin,

“I’d like to see you try.” Nihlus growled, “Saren won’t stand her getting hurt and you know it.” The guard closed his mouth, “And anyway, I’ve fought Volus bigger than you.” The guard laughed,

“I didn’t say I’d hurt her,” the guard said, “if you cause trouble, she comes to live with me for a few days. That’s all.” Lessa flushed hot and cold all at once. He flared his mandibles as Nihlus took a step forward, drawing his weapon,

“Turk,” Era warned, “close the door.”

“We need a medkit,” Lessa said suddenly, “or he will get sick.” The guards turned their eyes to her, “Please.” Era nodded curtly and disappeared for a few minutes before tossing an open medkit on the floor,

“There’s nothing sharp in there,” she said, “so don’t get any ideas.”

 

               When they were alone Nihlus collapsed to the floor, shuddering,

“Spirits,” he gasped, “I think I’ve punctured a lung.”

“Stay still,” Lessa tore a sachet of medigel open with her teeth, tongue burning where it touched, and smeared it on his face and hands. Nihlus hissed, “I need to see your wounds…” she said quietly. They peeled his shirt away without making eye contact. His torso was a mass of mottled bruises and wounds. Lessa swallowed and shook her head,

“It looks worse than it is,” he wheezed,

“No, it doesn’t.”

“No,” he laughed weakly, “it doesn’t.”

She treated and covered his wounds as best she could, but her hands were coated in viscous, blue blood by the time she was done.

“Your legs-”

“Are fine,” he said quickly and tugged his shirt back on. She crossed her legs and sat on the floor in front of him,

“Did you manage to… did you manage?” She asked,

“I did,” he said, eyes darting to the door,

“What now?”

“We wait,” he said, and Lessa's heart plummeted,

“Wait?” She let out a strangled cry,

“Yes, trust-”

“Don’t tell me to trust you,” she spat, “that’s all you’ve said since we met. Trust only goes so far. You’re asking for blind faith and providing me with no reason to give it.” Nihlus looked down,

“I know. But it’s for the best.”

 

               Lessa stalked to her own cot and lay down, curling herself into a tight ball. Nihlus sighed, leaned back, and watched her as the seconds ticked by. When she said nothing, he stood and limped to her cot before perching at the bottom of it. The chains that held it to the wall creaked under his weight.

“Dr,” he said, “I know I’m asking a lot of you… but I want to get free as much as you. Surely you can trust that?”

“Yes,” Lessa said quietly,

“And, you understand that Spectres are chosen because they are capable, strong, and resourceful?”

“Yes.”

“I know you have no reason to trust me,” he said, “but trust that I am good at what I do, that we share a goal, and that I am your best chance of getting free. Can you do that?” Lessa closed her eyes. Two burning tears streaked across her face,

“Yes.” She said, voice thick, throat painfully tight. A hand landed on her shoulder,

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Dr,” he said, “and you can trust that I mean that… because I need you to talk to the council when we get to the Citadel.” She nodded,

“Ok.”

 

He sighed and let his body slump back against the wall by her feet.

 

The door hissed open,

“Lovely,” Saren said, voice venomous, “Doctor Shepard. Why don’t you and I talk over dinner? We have much to discuss.”

Lessa balled her hands into fists and fought to find an answer through the haze of fear,

“I’d rather shit in my hands and clap,” she said, _at least that’s honest,_ and jumped when Nihlus snorted explosively,

“Oh, Spirits, don’t make me laugh.” He wheezed,

“Still alive, Nihlus?” Saren asked, “Well, that can change.”

“And yet here I am.” Nihlus spread his hands, “Why don’t you sit over there and we can all talk together.”

“Oh no, I’m afraid not. You have a date with these fine individuals,” Saren said as Era and Turk stepped into the cell, “while Doctor Shepard and I have a chat.” _He won’t survive another beating,_ Lessa's head snapped to look at Nihlus. His face was impassive, but his body was stiff,

“No,” Lessa said, “No!” She jumped to her feet, pushed herself between Saren and Nihlus, “I’ll come. I’ll come quietly… as long as no-one hurts him.”

Saren blinked twice, rolled his shoulders, and then laughed,

“You were right, Benezia,” he called over his shoulder, “by the Spirits, I never thought I’d say it, but you were right.”

“Of course, I was,” the Asari, Benezia, glided into the cell, “humans are extremely empathetic,” she said, lips twitching as if to smile, “and she more so than most. That’s why she heard the beacon, and why it did not break her.”

“And that’s why,” Saren leaned forward, “you will do as told. Unless you want to watch him die.”

 


	2. In Kind

             Sarens quarters, if they could be called that, were spartan and cold. Lessa pulled her torn and tattered clothes smooth as he sprawled on a wide bench of sorts. _He’s not even pretending to be cautious, bastard,_

“So, Dr Shepard. Tell me, how was it that you came to be so interested in species other than your own?” He clasped his long fingers and tilted his head as if they were having a genial meeting, a job interview. A first date, even, “please, sit.” Saren motioned to a seat with one aristocratic, lethal hand,

“You’re not going to hurt Nihlus?” Lessa asked.

Irritation flashed across his face. It was hard to track emotion in Turians, even Lessa had to concede that. Three months on a Turian Colony during her studies, however, taught her enough that the sudden flaring of his mandibles and the lowering of his head raised a red flag. She sat quickly, head slightly bowed as his mandibles tucked close to his face and he chuckled,

“You are rather unusual for a human,” he said, “no – I gave you my word. Nihlus won’t be harmed so long as you cooperate.”

“Ok.”

“Tell me, why is it you care so much?” Saren asked, leaning forward with a glint in his eyes,

“He saved me.”

“No,” he laughed, “he didn’t. Nihlus tried to save you and failed.”

“Fine, he tried to save me.” She repeated,

“It’s his job,” Saren said, tilting his head, “why do you think we threatened him to control you, and not the other way around?” He leaned back, “Think about it, Dr, he’s much more dangerous than you. Why?”

“Because I have what you need, not him.” Lessa said.

“Incorrect,” Saren replied, “we control you by threatening him because threatening you will not moderate his behaviour. He has no emotional investment in your survival, only a professional one. He doesn’t care, Dr, but you do.”

 

Lessa shrugged, eyes fixed on the floor,

“Then I suppose I’m a better person than him.” She said finally,

“No, he’s a survivor. And a fine Spectre. You are a stupid little girl who, for all her learning, feels rather than thinks.” He said it as if they were having a pleasant conversation. As if is was just a matter of fact. Her eyes stung,

“I’m done speaking to you.” She said,

“Have I offended you, Dr?” He tilted his head,

“Yes,” she snapped, “and I’m done speaking with you today.” As the words left her mouth, Lessa paled. Had she gone too far? Saren blinked lazily, clasped his hands, and then threw back his head, letting out a rough, barking laugh.

“Very well, Dr, I will see you tomorrow.” He said and made a motion. Two Geth lifted her unceremoniously from the chair and dragged her from the room.

 

 

 

               Nihlus was, true to Saren’s word, alone and unharmed, well no more harmed than before, when she returned. He jumped to his feet,

“Dr, are you alright?”

“Fine,” Lessa snapped and lay down without looking at him. His footsteps were uncertain, coming forward and backing away before he stooped by her side and touched her shoulder,

“Dr…” he said, “are you sure?”

“Stop,” she snapped, “just stop acting like you care. You’re doing your job,” she said, “I know you are so don’t bother… just don’t.”

“I…” he cleared his throat, “you’re right, of course,” he said, “I am doing my job, Dr, but I do care. I would have to be a monster to not care. I would have to be Saren, and I’m not.”

“I know,” she said, tears threatening to spill over, “I want to go home, Nihlus.” She croaked,

“You’ll see Eden Prime again.” He said,

“No… not, I want to go home.”

“Where is home?” Nihlus sat on her bunk, rested his hand on her shoulder, “Tell me about it.”

“The SSR Pheonix was the last ship I lived on with my mother,” she said, smiling weakly,

“You’re a military child?” He asked, and she turned to look up at him, nodding as memory took over,

“Yes,” she said, “I saw at least a dozen ships when I was a child, but the Pheonix was the closest that came to home. It was old and rickety,” she laughed, “so old it was barely compatible with the mass effect relays.” Nihlus laughed and rested his hand on the blanket beside her head,

“Not every species has that claim to fame,” he nodded,

“Mm, we’re still so young,” she said suddenly, “we never should have colonised the traverse. We should have seen this coming.”

 

Nihlus sighed,

“Respectfully, Dr, I do and don’t agree,” he tilted his head, “perhaps you should have seen that setbacks would occur, but no-one could expect this.” He motioned the room, “You have a lot to learn, but you’re doing… admirably, I think.”

“Humanity as a whole, or me personally?” Lessa asked with a choked laugh, a tear escaping the corner of her left eye. Nihlus reached over to brush it away,

“Both.” He said with a smile. A shrill beep made him jump back as if he had been scalded. A hatch in the wall opened, “Food,” he said, pulling two plates from the opening with a nervous chuckle, “shall we?

 

Lessa wolfed her food down, bland and textureless as it was, in a sudden fit of hunger. Nihlus laughed,

“Didn’t realise how hungry you were?” He asked, she smiled sheepishly and nodded, gulping down the provided water as he picked delicately at his food. She put her plate and mug into the hatch as a wave of exhaustion hit her. She staggered on the way to her bed, and Nihlus froze,

“Dr?” He asked,

“Mm?”

“Dr Shepard?” He shook her violently. Lessa blinked; he was kneeling over her, “Spirits, Dr, _Lessa_ wake up!” He hissed.

 

She blinked.

“Over my dead body!” Nihlus shouted, panic clear in his voice. She turned her head groggily; Turk was halfway through the door, Era behind him. Nihlus was inches from him,

“That can be arranged, move,” Turk snapped,

“No, by the Spirits, why are you doing this?” he said as she blinked, “-just a civilian.”

Era was on his left, now, Turk on his right,

“Orders are order, Turian,” Era said, “sorry, but you don’t control the creds.”

“Fine, I’ll pay you when we get out of here.” Nihlus said, reduced to bargaining. Lessa swallowed, throat clicking as she tried to speak.

“Nice try,” Turk said, “but you’re not getting out.” They started to push past.

 

Nihlus was on the floor, bloody and bruised, and she, despite still lying down, was above him. Era shifted, adjusted her grip easily, and sighed,

“Turk, move,” she said, but her companion was frozen, staring down at Nihlus. Their eyes met, and he smiled,

“It’s ok, Dr,” Nihlus said slowly, the fake cheer in his voice as brittle as his smile, “it’s going to be fine.”

 

 

               Lessa woke with a start, jerking against the metal restraints. The room was silent, dim, but she could sense him. Benezia, the Asari, stood in the corner, still and silent as stone, and watched her as if she were a curiosity in a museum. His talon grazed her jawline,

“Perhaps I was wrong,” he said, “you know Nihlus broke his own hand trying to open the door after Turk and Era took you.” Her stomach lurched, “He must have been convinced I was sending you to stay with him for a few days. With Turk I mean,” he laughed, “Turk likes humans. Perhaps you should keep that in mind while we speak.”

Lessa swallowed and nodded,

“Ok,” she said,

“Good girl.” He leaned on the table, and for the first time she realised she was lying on her back, “Now, tell me how you came to Eden Prime.” A pressure built in her head suddenly, and Lessa blinked rapidly, “Dr?”

“I… went to study the… there are ruins, two days from the settlement,” she said. Saren looked at the Asari,

“She speaks true,” Benezia said with a nod,

“Good, keep doing that,” Saren said and patted her head as if she was a pet, “now, how did you come to study the beacon?”

“They… they wanted to know, to know,” she swallowed, eyes drooping,

“Less pressure Benezia.” Saren’s voice came from above, like the voice of God, and her head cleared a little,

“They wanted to know if it had been changed by the previous people.”

“Were they Prothean, the ruins?”

“No,” Lessa said, “about the same age, but they belong to a less known species we call Thraxian.”

“I see, had they made any changes to the beacon?” Saren leaned over her, eyes flicking back and forth,

“None that I could see,” Lessa admitted, “it was unblemished.”

“Until you used it.” He said, and she heard the anger in his tone. Sweet as poison, soft as a razor, he ran a talon down her arm, “Why did you use it?”

“I didn’t mean to,” she sobbed, “I heard the voices, so many voices calling. I thought… I just… I don’t know why I went when they called. But I did and they were waiting,”

“And they showed you the future.” He said,

“I don’t know what they-”

“I am not asking, girl, I’m telling you what you saw.” He snarled, and she shrank back against the metal, wishing Nihlus was there. Wishing she was home. He looked at Benezia,

“She speaks the truth,” Benezia said, “she knows not what drew her. She understands not what she saw.” Saren nodded, and the pressure withdrew. As she slipped under a frustrated snarl sounded,

“You let her go!”

“If we break her, I’ll never find the memories.”  Benezias’ words followed her into the abyss.

 

 

               The cell was empty when she woke,

“Nihlus?” Lessa called, turning her head to search every inch of the barren cell. As if there was somewhere he could hide. She pressed her lips together, jumping as the door hissed open. Two Geth carried him in. Despite her fears Lessa saw he was clean, wearing new clothes, and his hand had been bandaged.

But he was sleeping. Unconscious, really, and beyond reach.

“Nihlus?” She shook him gently as a susurrus of fear slid through her. They could come back at any time. Never in her life had Lessa felt helpless; her mother had ensured she was not. And yet. “Nihlus, please wake up.” She pressed both her hands to his shoulder and pushed; he was solid, his body didn’t even move.

She rested her head on the bunk and dozed.

 

“Dr? Dr Shepard?” A hand touched her back gently, “Lessa?”

She sat up quickly, heart hammering, but it was only Nihlus,

“You’re awake,” she said,

“I could say the same to you,” he laughed,

“I wasn’t sleeping,” she said, “I was… I was sleeping.” He snorted,

“A poor choice of place to sleep,” he said, and she knew it was a joke, but his voice was too soft. Too kind. She covered her face and wept. She knew she was breaking far faster than him. “Come now,” he said and helped her onto the bunk, “it’s alright.”

“No,” she wept, “it’s not, I can’t do this, Nihlus, I’m so scared.” He threw an arm around her and hugged her tight,

“I won’t let…” he trailed off, knowing there was ample proof that there was little he could do in recent memory. He lowered his head, pressed his face against her hair,

“You’ll be alright,” he said, “you’re tougher than you know.”

 

 

In a fit of madness, she turned into him and pressed her face to his neck. A simple thing for a human, fuelled by fear and exhaustion, and a need for protection. Less simple to a Turian. Nihlus turned to stone, and then, just as suddenly, wrapped both his arms around her and squeezed hard enough to make her squeak. She could feel him humming, rumbling really. If she were Turian she would have known what it meant. As a human she couldn’t even hear the sound, let alone decipher it. She waited for him to realise that, to explain. He didn’t.

He nuzzled his face into her hair, pulled her closer, and then moved to her neck. He nipped the flesh gently, and it was her turn to freeze. He pulled away with a laugh,

“Sorry, Dr, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, and they let the falsehood lie. He pretended she had been afraid of his, admittedly razor-sharp teeth, and she pretended it was true. They both ignored her anthropology degree, her study in Palaven, and the fact that she knew, and he knew that she knew, what he had done was the equivalent of putting his hand under her shirt.

“Not long, I promise,” he said suddenly,

“Until what?” She coughed,

“Until we get out.” He rubbed her back, “Hold on a day more. That’s all.” She remembered, then, his plan.

“How?” She stared at him, meeting his cool eyes for as long as she could. He stared her down, and then sighed,

“I… reached out to someone very powerful,” he said,

“Who?” She asked, and he took in a shuddering breath,

“Do you know of the Shadow Broker?” He asked, and Lessa closed her eyes; the price for their freedom was going to be high. He sighed, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. Don’t worry, Dr, you won’t have to speak to anyone, there’s no price.”

“You… you feed him information, don’t you?” She asked, throat tight,

“Yes.”

 

Less stood and strode to the other side of the room,

“Lessa,” he said,

“Dr Shepard,” she shot back, crossing her arms to cover herself where he threw his wide. She couldn’t miss his hurt. It seemed the secret was out in the open,

“Really?” He asked,

“Why, what’s it to you. You’re only doing your job,” she said, “a hug between colleagues doesn’t change that, even when _teeth_ are-”

“Don’t be facetious.” He said, jerking his head as if dismissing a subordinate,

“You feed information to the _Shadow Broker,_ Nihlus,” she said, “for money and favours, I have no doubt!” Lessa threw up her hands and laughed, “Oh God I was so… I’m such an idiot, I thought you were the real deal. Honourable, and trustworthy, a real straight arrow and here we are.” She shook her head, “Another operative, above the law and making full use of that.”

“There’s nothing illegal about-”

“And there’s nothing above board about it, either,” she snapped, “you know that, or you would have told me initially.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would react like this,” Nihlus said, “like any human would because you have no concept of how the Galaxy truly works.” As the last word left his mouth, Nihlus snapped his jaws shut and closed his eyes, “Lessa, I-”

“Don’t.” She shook her head and turned away.  He followed her, sat beside her, and sighed,

“I’m sorry. I had no right, I didn’t think you’d know,” he said, pushing on as she roused herself, “not that it makes it right. I… it’s been a stressful few days. I acted inappropriately, forgive me?”

 

               She nodded after a few moments,

“Ok.” She said,

“And I don’t, for the record, take money from the Shadow Broker,” he said, “I take payment in kind. It can be very useful when tracking… marks.”

“I see,” Lessa said, “that makes sense.”

“You think less of me.” He said,

“Yes,” she shrugged, and when she turned he looks smaller. She sighed, “perhaps that’s a good thing, though. I was starting to build you quite a pedestal.”  His eyes slid to her, Nihlus sat up straight again and shrugged,

“I would rather you didn’t do that, Dr,” he said,

“Well, you stopped me in my tracks.” Lessa snorted. The tension broke, and they laughed together,

“When we… once this is over,” he said, “before you return to Eden Prime, assuming you do… I would very much like to take you for dinner.”

“Dinner?” Lessa asked, stomach churning,

“Yes,” Nihlus said, mandibles quivering slightly, “I… would very much like to know you better, Dr.”

“Call me Lessa,” she said, covering her smile behind a curtain of hair as she looked at the floor. His hand cautiously slipped into hers,

“Very well.” He said before letting the silence swallow them.

 

 

               The hours drew out like a blade; the lights never dimmed, Lessa realised, never wavered. This was the longest they had been awake and together in the cell without interruption. She began to fidget, stomach lurching and fizzing in a way that it shouldn’t have been able to. Not here. He drew circles on the back of her hand with his thumb,

“Humans are so soft,” he said, and for a moment she heard Saren. Lessa shook it away. He went on as if he hadn’t notices, “when I first met a human I thought that there was no way it could be true. That they had fought us to a standstill during the War, but… I served with a human soldier on a few missions,”

“Commander Alenko?” She asked,

“Uh, no… before him, actually. Duncan, his name was, and his men were some of the best I’ve ever worked with,” Nihlus said, “it’s still a surprise to me, to see a human without armour on. It reminds me that your species is to be reckoned with.” It was his way of apologising, she knew, but the academics curiosity that had driven her through a decade of education made Lessa turn,

“How so?” She asked, and he mirrored her, mandibles flaring in a smile as he realised she had taken the peace offering,

“You became the apex predators on your planet through ingenuity and innovation. Turians and Krogan, we have natural armour, Asari have their biotics… but humans,” he said, “you created things to make you stronger than nature had. That is quite something.”

“Maybe,” she said, “sometimes what we create isn’t useful at all.” She picked her nails, “I spent the first four years of my education studying folklore. Stories, myths, ghosts.”

“Perhaps the use is less important than beauty.” Nihlus said quietly, and when he pulled her against his side she didn’t object. She found sleep naturally for the first time since the Geth had landed on Eden Prime.

 


End file.
